It usually starts small. A friendly message on social media, or a dating site match who seems genuinely interested, patient, and easy to talk to. Weeks or months pass. Trust builds. Then, gently at first, comes a story: a medical emergency, a stuck shipment, a business opportunity, a plane ticket that just will not go through without a little help. This is the shape of almost every romance scam, and it costs American seniors hundreds of millions of dollars a year.
Romance scams cost seniors an estimated $584 million in 2025 alone, with more than 10,100 victims aged 60 and older reporting losses. The number is high not because older adults are careless, but because these scams are built patiently, by people who study exactly how to earn trust before asking for anything.
Why This Targets Seniors Specifically
Scammers do not choose older adults at random. Widowed or divorced seniors, people managing loneliness or social isolation, and those with retirement savings or home equity are common targets, because a scammer sees both an emotional opening and a financial one. Many people in this generation were also raised in an era of higher social trust, and some are simply less familiar with how easy it is to fake a photo, a job, or an entire identity online, which makes early warning signs harder to spot.
What the Warning Signs Actually Look Like
The relationship moves online-only, and stays that way. A partner who has countless reasons never to video call, meet in person, or speak on the phone, and who claims to live or work overseas (often military deployment, an oil rig, or international consulting are common cover stories).
The relationship moves fast. Declarations of love within days or weeks, along with pressure to keep the relationship secret from family, “because they wouldn’t understand.”
Money eventually enters the conversation. A medical emergency, a customs fee on a gift, a stuck business deal, or a “guaranteed” investment opportunity, always urgent, always solvable with a wire transfer, gift cards, or cryptocurrency.
Their behavior around you changes. New secrecy about their phone or finances, becoming defensive when asked questions about the relationship, withdrawing from friends and family, or sudden unusual bank activity.
Ask This Before Sending Money to Anyone You Have Not Met in Person
- Have we ever spoken on a live video call, not just photos or voice notes?
- Would this story hold up if I described it out loud to my adult child or a close friend?
- Am I being asked to keep this relationship or this request a secret?
- Is the request urgent, with no time to think it over or ask someone else first?
A genuine partner will never object to a video call, will never ask you to keep the relationship hidden from your family, and will never need emergency money wired within hours.
How to Protect a Parent or Loved One
If you suspect someone you love may be caught in this situation, the instinct to confront them hard can backfire, since shame and defensiveness often make people protect the relationship harder. A gentler approach works better:
- Ask open questions instead of accusations — “Tell me about him/her, how did you two meet?” opens a conversation instead of shutting it down.
- Keep the door open. Let them know they can talk to you about anything online without judgment, so they come to you before sending money, not after.
- Bring the warning signs, not just a warning. Showing the specific patterns above is often more persuasive than a general “be careful online.”
- Review privacy settings together. Scammers often build their approach using details posted publicly on social media, so tightening privacy settings closes an easy door.
Where to Report It
- Federal Trade Commission: reportfraud.ftc.gov
- FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3): ic3.gov
Reporting will not always recover lost money, but it helps investigators track patterns across cases, and it is worth doing every time.
If you would like a printable reference covering this and five other common retirement scams side by side, the free Retirement Scam Checklist is built for exactly that conversation with a parent or spouse.
This article is educational only and is not legal, financial, or law-enforcement advice. If you believe you or someone you love is the victim of fraud, contact the agencies listed above or your local law enforcement directly.
Todd Doyle, International Author, internet marketer since 1993, father, friend to many, and avid reader